Links Bad Life
by EvilBionicle
Summary: This Story is about link having a bad life untill he dies.. Also im prob gonna have more then 8 chapters dont worry and also... my computer F'ed up so now i have to rewrite 5 new chapters.. i put an intermission chapter up i will delete that when done....
1. Chapter 1

I do Not own Link!!! And This is 1 of my first stories ---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Bio- Welcome To Links Bad Life im hoping for atleast 8 chapters.  
  
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Navi: **Comes Screeching in Links house saying** Link!!!! THE DUKA FA--- I mean TREE WANTS TO SEE YOOOOOOOOOU  
  
Link:**Mumbles in his sleep** mmm noo jubjub Ganon... **WAKES UP** AAHHH!!!! **Yawn** What a Dream What a Dream!!!  
  
Navi: Ok What was it about then???  
  
Link: Hmmm Letsee.... it was mostly me in the future but here it goes...  
  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-Links Dream-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-  
  
Link: Ha Ganondorf I will Smite you with my sword!!  
  
Ganon in Monster form: **Flicks Sword**  
  
Link: **Stares** O Crap!!!! **Starts Running**  
  
Ganon: Where do you think your going  
  
Zelda: Be Careful  
  
Link: I will  
  
Zelda: Be Careful  
  
Ganon: HE WONT!!!  
  
Zelda: Be Careful  
  
Link: Shut Up!!!  
  
Zelda: Be Careful  
  
Link and Ganon: Wheres the Off switch on this thing??! **Ganon Bops Zelda on the Head**  
  
Zelda: Be Careful Be Careful Be Careful Be Careful Be Careful Be Careful Be Careful  
  
Link: LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!! *Zelda keeps going while links talking* Now What am i gonna do i have to be with her forever and look you made her stuck!!!  
  
Ganon: Well Dont look at Me *pounds foot*  
  
**The Castle Shakes**  
  
Link: Great look what you did now  
  
Zelda: Be Careful Be Careful Be Careful Uh OH Be Careful Be Careful Be Careful  
  
**Castle Starts to Cave in**  
  
Ganon: oopsie **Jumps Off and Runs away**  
  
Link: I wonder **Thinks**----Hmmm Me Jump from this hight with psyco path (Zelda) I think ill survive with 2 broken legs or shattered limbs and 4 ribs broken... but then how would i move  
  
~~Zora: Use The Force Link~~  
  
Link: What The?! anyways hmmm **pushes Zelda off castle** ok now... ill start running as fast as i can down to the ground and catch Zelda!!!  
  
Zelda: Oh Me Oh My Oh HeHeHeHe  
  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Mean While-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-  
  
Ganon: **Huff** **Puff** I need some Milk **Looks at Sign** L-Lon Lon Rrreea-R-anch... O Boy O ME O Yes!!! **Does Taunt From SSBM**  
  
Talon: Want to by some of our milk??? Only 19.95 And we'll Also through in our Bottle Opener For 199.95 with only 21 measly payments of 41.99...  
  
Ganon: ummmm Do you take Cards...  
  
Talon: 21 cards for the bottle of milk and 231 cards for the bottle opener  
  
Ganon: You Bargain a hard price soilder!!! Ok!!!  
  
Talon: SOLD!!!!!  
  
Ganon in a girly scream: YAY!!!!!!!  
  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-Back the the Castle-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-  
  
--Link is Falling down the stairs in light speed action breaking threw bars going through enemy's everything and he finally stoped at the bottom of the castle inches away from touching his rump... when he noticed he left his master sword in the castle-- Link: Oh Noooooo **Watches the castle collapse** My Swoooooord  
  
Zelda: Be Carful Be Careful Be Careful  
  
Link: ? ? ? i thought i heard something **Hears like a rocket sound coming straight down on him** Oh Crap this is Gonna Hu-- **Gets Plowed into the ground 2 miles from the surface**  
  
Zelda: IM ALIVE!!! Muwhhahah **Snorts** Im all fixed **Acts all geeky**  
  
Link: **Twitches** Ow uhh huuh uuhhhhhhhh Well Atleast the Zelda is Safe she landed on me saving her from a painful doom which would probably have killed her in an instant or just torchered her in a torcherous evil dispicable way... O NO!!!! Not Him!!!!  
  
Owl: HooT HooT, Whats all the comosion about. I felt a hard rumble in the ground which shook by house down and now i have no where to go so i decided to go check out what happened as you see thats why i am here to inspect. Yeppers i can do about anything and i see that ganondorf's evil castle is gone but what about the new one that just appeared out of no where at death mountain. Oooooo so special!!! Hey Link... did you kill ganondorf cause i dont think you did i saw him running and decided to help him to the mountain that i just said... Hey Link... Link!! Link are you listening Link Yo You there im talking to you i dont talk that much come on dont mess around im still here O_o pleeeeeeeeeeease talk im soooooo bored i need someone to talk to... link whats the blood??? You cant bleed your Link the Hero never bleed and whats with zelda keeps yappin away there saying my smart and stuff acting all cool and geeky i cant believe your gonna marry her thats almost to sick to see that but she does have a nice body doesnt she o well i still need you to go kill ganondorf cause hes evil and we dont like evil people...  
  
Link: SHUT UP YOU FREEK!!!!!  
  
Owl: Sheesh you dont have to be all Harsh HooT HooT **Flys Away**  
  
Link: Yess!!!!  
  
Zelda: **Kisses link on nose suckling it**  
  
Link: GET OFF ME WOMEN!!!! **Throws and climbs out of the hole**  
  
Zelda: No Biggy *Floats Up*  
  
Link: Frowns... but you and uhh i castle.. --- but ohh never mind!!!  
  
**From no where King JubJub has been launched into the air and is heading for link**  
  
Link: Runs around in circles brawking like a chicken with its head cut off....  
  
**You hear a loud screech and all of a sudden King JubJub Lands On Link**  
  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-Back In Real Life-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-.-  
  
Navi: *Snore* ... *Yawns* Huh???  
  
Link: And Thats what happened  
  
Navi: Man that must of been bad i remember you telling me that you mooned GanonDorf  
  
Link: Umm i didnt do that in my dream  
  
Navi: Yes you did dummy  
  
Link: hmmmm i need Brownies **Day Dreams about brownies** mmmm Brownies **Mouth Starts Watering**  
  
Navi: **Thinks**--- Nows My time to get him with a prank!!! --- **runs out to get cow manure and Molds it into a brownie shape and cooks it**  
  
Link: Hmm Navi sure is taking a long time to get back i wonder what shes doing o well **starts thinking about brownies**  
  
Navi: Here Link I Made You Some HomeMade Manu-- i mean Brownies **Smiles**  
  
Link: What do you take me for??? **Scarfs Brownies Down** WooT Those tasked good but i cant put my fingure on it... it taste so natural  
  
Navi: HAHAHAHAAAAA  
  
Link: whats so funny  
  
Navi: Guess what you just ate??  
  
Link: Your homemade brownies of course...  
  
Navi: Not mine!!! ... Some COW made it  
  
Link: Then the cow is talented  
  
Navi: **Slaps Link** NO IDOIT BAFOON!!! YOU JUST ATE COW MANURE!!!  
  
Link: .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. **Ponders** .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Ummm .. .. .. .. .. WHAT!!??!!! **GaGs** Ewww **Coughs** **Hacks** **Pukes** What did you do that for!!  
  
Navi: Cus Im EEEEEEEEVIL!!!!!! **Does Ganondorf Laugh**  
  
Link: Ya know Navi thats really creep...oo just you wait  
  
Navi: **Does Links Girly Laugh** Yea green goblin what ya gonna do about it  
  
Link: **Roars**  
  
**Sarah comes running along to talk to link**  
  
Sarah: Link!!!... LINK HUNNY!!!  
  
Link: God Not Her **Smacks face** eesh **walks up to the door** What do you want and im not your hunny!!!  
  
Sarah: But i like that name  
  
Bio: **Walks infront of sarah and link (In between them) and Does Moutain Dew Advertisement and walks away**  
  
Link and everyone else: **Blinks** Rrrrriiighht  
  
Sarah: Hmmm Well Anyways I Love You Link... wait where did you go  
  
Link: Woo that was close... ok now im gonna go look for my sword that i put away..  
  
Navi: Kkkk  
  
Link: **Goes into the hole in the wall** hmm i think i had as **Gets run over by boilder** Yeap i put in a bolder...  
  
Navi: Why did you put the bolder in  
  
Link: To Tuffen up Duh!!! **Runs to get his sword... runs out and heads to the store** HIT ME!!!  
  
Store owner: **punches link**  
  
Link: **on the Floor** How Dare You!!! I Ment a Pint  
  
Store Owner: O to bad here have this shield for my forgiving  
  
Link: Ha!! Thanks Fool!!!!!  
  
**Link Runs into the person blockin the path to duka tree**  
  
Person Blocking Tree: You Mu--  
  
Link: **Shows sword and shield** im ready now move your rump!!! **The person moves**  
  
Duka Tree: Link... Thank you for coming .. I need you to itch the itch i have on my back... o and also defeat the guy inside me making me feel all sick and stuff k?? and also i have to tell you a story about 3 spirtual gods **2 hours later** They Left Behind Spiritual stones... which evil is trying to possess.. Link you are our only hope!!! **Hands Link the stuff he had to find inside him** there i saved you the trouble now go defeat Ghoma **Dum Dum DUUUUUMMMMMMMMMM**  
  
Link: Alrighty boss master sir person dude like creature... **Gets teleported to bosses lair** woah Dude that was like Awsome lets do that again i mean my body it was all like particles and i could move and stuff i think i was naked im not sure but man did that feel weird im a little light headed  
  
Navi: **Pukes**  
  
Link: Ewwww **The grounds shakes and you hear a strange rattle almost as someone walking**  
  
Ghoma: ROAR!!!!!!! EEK OGH AHS HSAL OIEU HSA NREO NASOI NLER  
  
Link: ALE HwAB ELKW KJBE B IUAWE BKAIRUY KJBAW!!!  
  
Ghoma: EKJA? LKWEN OYUQW BQKY LKJAWE  
  
Navi: Sorry i dont speak jiberish  
  
Link: Prepare to Die **Takes out sling shot and pulls it the wrong way shooting him in the eye** AAHHHHH THE PAIN ARGH UGGGHHH  
  
**Ghoma walks up slowly and pushes link down**  
  
Link: OWWW!!!!! **Goes all fearious on Ghoma and destroys him and walks to the heart piece** I have succeded!!! **Navi looks at him with all cuts and bruzes with 1 eye bleeding**  
  
Navi: You Look funny  
  
Link: Har Har Har!!! **about to go into teleporter thing and navi trips him into his sending him face first into the ground**  
  
Duka Tree: Thank your Link heres your reward **All of a sudden Navi accidently spilled weed killer on duka tree** Uh **Gack** **stops breathing and dies**  
  
Link: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!... WooT i still guy my spritual stone!!!  
  
Navi: **Crys** Father im sorry!!!  
  
Link: **Grabs Navi's Wings and stuffs in bottle** Now you stay in here  
  
Navi: You Will Die Link!!!!!!  
  
Link: sorry but im not the 1 who just killed your father...  
  
Navi: Shut It JUST SHUT IT!!! **Starts crying again**  
  
Link: Tuff it up sissy!!! Its time for our next stone!!!  
  
**Link passes out and has a bad dream about Ganondorf and him as wifes..**  
  
Navi: Link wake up Link Link!!!! (There in Links house)  
  
Link: **Wakes up** HuH what??? who when where??? I keep havin this dream about this unknown guy @_@...  
  
Navi: Hmm Lets Head to the village  
  
Link: Sounds Great Wait lemme grab my stuff.. **Gets Some M&M's and his shield, sword and also his handy dandy!!! SlingShot  
  
-.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-  
  
Bio- Will Link Get the Next Spirutal Stone Next Chapter Soon... And Also Please Review this No Flames Please and if you think my Spelling is off who cares!!! its a story!! on a computer....  
  
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	2. Chapter 2

Bio- Ok Ok. So I didn't update on the time schedule. That's cause here in Michigan for the past few days we been getting power outages. :/ and so at this time I am typing on my laptop in the dark I have a battery powered charger so I can charge my Laptop anywhere just cant go on the internet with it. so I am going to keep typing until my fingers falls off or until I get bored. ok Back to the plot//  
  
//Ok Link and Navi are heading out of the woods when Sarah is there on the bridge. The Plot Thickens. ? ('.')  
  
Link: **Gasp** I-Its Sarah!!!!  
  
Navi: TAKE COVA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sarah: Link don't be like a chicken!!! I'm only here to say complements on your quest and to give you this **Hands Link a strange ocarina**  
  
Link: What the hell is this?! **Tosses it on ground**  
  
Sarah: its an ocarina **Thinking** Darn. did he find out it was fake.hmm I'm going to put glue on the mouth part of it** Yea!! **Picks it up and puts glue on in lightning time without Link noticing and hands it to him**  
  
Link: Oooo like the ones on commercials.  
  
Sarah: Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa Rrrrrrrrriiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhttttttt. Now Just Play It!!!!!!  
  
Link: **Puts mouth on the mouth piece thing and plays some stuff**  
  
Sarah: Good. **Starts Laughing**  
  
Link: mmmmbaaaalkwehngmmbnambn!!!! **Pulls off of mouth**  
  
Sarah: AAAAAAHHHHH HAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!  
  
Link: You will pay  
  
Sarah: Here's the real fairy ocarina.  
  
Link: Thanks. **About to Run off** Hmmm **Snaps Sarah's Bra**  
  
Sarah: WHAT!!! PERVERT!!!! **Punches Link in the face**  
  
Link: Woaaaaaaaaaah **Hear him off in the distance flying straight out the woods**  
  
Navi: Oooo That Pervert will die!!! **Evil Grin**  
  
Sarah: **Fluffs Hair** He Deserves it!!  
  
Navi: Well im gonna go find him  
  
Link Air Born: Hmmm my face still in pain.. **Sees owl in distance** O Crap!!!  
  
Owl: Ohhh Hello Link!!!! Its so nice to see you... i got so many things to tell you  
  
Link Air Born: NOOOOOOO **Takes out slingshot and nails the Owl right in the beak**  
  
Owl: %!$# %&!@ YOU $%%!@!!!!!!  
  
Link Air Born: Buwhahahaaaa  
  
Bio- Yessss!!!! Cables Back Up!!!  
  
Link: Hey!!!! Get out of here!!!  
  
Bio- Fine **Instant transmissions**  
  
Link: O Hes Good... hmm the suns going down  
  
Navi: LLLLLLLLIIIIIINNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link Air Born: **Passes by tall tree** Woah Navi's fast  
  
Navi: LINK!! YOUR GONNA HIT THE!!!!!  
  
Link: WHAAAAAAT!!!?! hmm its darktime  
  
Navi: I Said... Your Gonna hit the--  
  
Link: **Smashes into closed bridge** **Twiches** o-o-ow...  
  
Navi: HaHaHa!!!!  
  
Link: **Falls into water** Glub Glub Bubble... **Gasps when he gets out of water** Whew.. that hurt...  
  
**Skeletons PoP Up**  
  
Link: Wuh Oh!!!  
  
Skeletons: Uggghhhh!!! **Smashes bone against Links Head**  
  
Link: OW!!!! Thats it... Your going down skeletons!!!!!!!! **Takes out Sword and Slices one of its heads off** Ha How You Like That!!!!! **Skeleton that is headless starts throwing bones at him** What the Hell!!!!! **Has Huge Bumps on his head and sees the sun going up** ugh hurry up!!!! **Kills one of the skeletons and another pops up** AHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
**Backround sound: Cocka Doodle Doooo!!!!!!**  
  
Skeletons: Uggggggggghh **Hides in Ground**  
  
Link: Ahh The Bridge his coming down  
  
Navi: **Yawn** That was a bumpy ride --- In Links Hood  
  
Link: What the??? how you get there...  
  
Navi: **Shruggs**  
  
Link: O well Lets go into the village like castle thing!!!!  
  
Navi: Bad Vocabulary you have link  
  
Link: **Eating skittles** mmmmm skittles... huh what??  
  
Navi: Your not gonna eat skittles without permission!!!!!  
  
Link: Aww but navi **Starts Eating Donuts**  
  
Navi: LIINNK!! IM WARNING YOU!!!  
  
Link: **Heads twoards the village**  
  
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Bio- Ok so i didnt get much done but i started at 12am today (Tuesday) and its not 12:30am... im tired and my cables back up... ill start typing as soon as possible... thats it for now peace out all!!! 


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